In the end...

I worry sometimes that I don't talk to God enough. And I mean really talk to him. I pray all the time but sometimes I forget that he's more than just my God. He understands me like no other. He already knows what I need and knows my desires but I can still cast my worries on him and unload my stresses. Sometimes I just want to vent to him; to complain, to cry, to beg for guidance when I'm desperately lost, but I forget that I can. I forget that he's there for me through thick and thin, he understands my pain and knows why I cry every tear. I thank heavens for that because half the time I don't understand my tears.
Today is one of those days where I just need to be surrounded by God's love and held and told that it's going to all be okay because in the end it is. I'm almost ashamed to admit it but during all he turmoil of today, I didn't talk to God. I wish I had but in the moment I was too busy worrying myself to death to remember that there's someone always there to talk to. I'm sure that if I had cried to God instead of crying while watching One Tree Hill, I would have felt ten times better instantly. Now maybe that wouldn't have been the case, but I would have talked until my tears were gone and I felt somewhat relieved, but instead I cried watching Peyton cry over Brooke and Lucas.... so much drama.
I want to rely more on my relationship with God. I want to learn to have more candid talks with him about everything. He already knows what I've done, said and thought about during the day, so what's there to hide? I want to be able to ask him for guidance and then actually trust that he'll send me in the right direction because these days I have a hard time trusting anyone but myself. I want to learn to lean on him because in the end, my faith in my God will make everything okay. My God.