What's in a kiss?

ou Sometimes it's terrifying to think about how I will probably never ever have another first kiss in my life. It's scary to put that way but when I actually take a moment and think about it, I'm okay with it. I could be okay kissing Shane every day until the end of my days to be honest. I never thought I would say that at this age, none the less actually want it to happen, but when he kisses me, I never want to be like that with anyone else.

It's an understatement to say that I've "kissed other people" in my life, but before I met Shane a kiss was just something you were supposed to do with people you dated. Boyfriend's kissed their girlfriends and that's just what happens in relationships right? Sure. That's what I always thought. Other times when I would kiss people it ended up being a moment of lust and loneliness between close friends that ended in confusion, often regret and the changing of something that was once special. None of those kisses were ones that I would want to have over and over again for the rest of my life.

Now however, kissing Shane is like seeing my future, as cheesey as that sounds and believe me, I'm full of cheese. I know he'll be the one I wake up to when I'm 50 and I'm okay with that. Hell, I'm happy about that. Some people say that I'm too young to know this but I think that they are wrong. You just know when it's right. Shane still gives me butterflies every single morning. Our relationship feels like we've just met again. I never get bored, I never love him any less and I always find the capacity to love him more. He amazes me with his kindness and ability to say all the right things, just not always at the right time. I once told him that we share one heart and that's how I know and love him so much. He corrected me and said, "No we have two separate hearts, they just beat the same way. That's what brought us together." Things like that make my entire day.

It's strange to think that all of this stemmed from our first kiss over a year and a half ago. It wasn't brought on by lust, loneliness, curiosity or anything like that. He kissed me because he felt something. If there wasn't something there then it wouldn't have worked out. He is my kindered spirit and the butterflies are still there, every morning.